A QUEST TO MEDITATE MORE THAN I USE MY PHONE

I’ve been very happy with my life for a long time, basically since leaving corporate life and following my joy to teaching yoga, moving to california and running wellness retreats full time, yet something is still missing. 

I have realized as I dive deeper into myself that there is another layer to me, to my joy and the life I could be leading. I’ve been infatuated lately with the idea of leading an extraordinary life. Changing people’s lives, having financial freedom, getting in the best physical shape of my life, creating amazing friendships, finding my soulmate and traveling to exotic places. 

I came to one stark conclusion, in order to lead an extraordinary life, I would need to give an extraordinary effort. 

Perhaps not in the way most of us would think about it. I decided to reverse engineer this internal proposition and instead of looking at the things I wanted and how I would get there, I started looking at the things standing in my way. What I found was me. 

My former life as a TV producer saw me sitting in front of screens for HOURS a day, literally the entire day in fact. I would wake up, check emails, look at my phone on the bus and subway, sit in front of six screens at my desk, watch TV during lunch and then watch TV before I went to bed. I am a screen addict. It’s a happy place and a coping mechanism. 

And while things have gotten better and I even got the inspiration to create our very successful “digital detox” retreats because of my own struggles, I still recognized that there were a couple more layers of this addiction I had to break through. In loneliness and boredom, I will still immediately turn to my phone for a dopamine hit. Social media and dating apps give me the false impression of connection or that someone actually cares about what I am doing and they are my go to. 

I began to think back on when I first found meditation. At the time I still had some other vices, one of which was an all time favorite, smoking weed. I thought back to an event I went to in Bali with some amazing speakers. A man who had gone from an abusive upbringing in foster care and ended up becoming a college basketball star and motivational speaker changed my life. He looked out over the crowd and said, “all of you have something that is holding you back from being your best self, close your eyes and without thinking what is it”

Weed.

I knew it right away. 

This was back in 2017 and it was only last year that I fully and finally let this one go, change can be really, really hard. I recently wrote a blog about the science of change for just that reason. 

I remember thinking back then, imagine if I meditated every time you wanted to smoke weed, you would be a superstar. Well, now I meditate a ton and I don’t smoke weed and my life has undergone some amazing transformations. But I’m shooting for extraordinary. 

I went back to that exercise of looking at what was holding me back and I knew it right away, it was my cell phone. I watched how I would reach for it when I felt bored or frustrated (I almost did it writing this post) how I would eat mindlessly while using it, unaware that I was eating past the point of being full and certainly not enjoying the food I was eating. I will scroll while on the phone with people and even pick it up when I’m in person with others. 

Last month I attended my third Dr. Joe Dispenza retreat and my already growing love for meditation hit a whole new level. Traditionally in the west and especially where I was from in New York City we mostly think that an extraordinary life comes from exhausting ourselves physically. Outwork everyone, come early and stay late. 

I realized after that retreat that actually the only battle I needed to win, the only person I needed to overcome was myself. I began waking up each morning and practicing 2-3 hours of meditation, after that I would get in an ice bath for 10-15 minutes, water my garden and make myself food for the day that would be healthy and delicious. I started going to the gym with a specific plan of action each day and pushing myself past where I wanted to go. I have actually “worked” less than I ever have in my life, this blog and email are the first time I have actually sat down for more than an hour at the computer in months.

This all comes at a time where I just made the biggest financial investment of my life. I hired a team of people to manage the SoCal Wellness Retreats website, social media and marketing. I put deposits down for six San Diego retreats, a Bali retreat and a Costa Rica retreat. Normally this would all scare the shit out of me, it certainly wouldn’t make me feel like I had time to meditate 3 hours in the morning, yet, I have this profound sense of what I need to do. 

My challenge to myself is to meditate for more time each day than I spend time on my screens and to follow my joy the way I did when I first let my biggest barrier go, leaving corporate life and my entire identity back in 2014 to become a yoga teacher. The work I’ve done on myself has led me to California, Bali, and Costa Rica. It has led me to the team I’ve built for SoCal Wellness Retreats, the venues we are hosting our retreats at and pretty much all the biggest joys I have in my life. I didn’t find any of those things on a screen. 

I am sharing all of this because in many ways it is uncomfortable for me to do so, and, because I want to live an extraordinary life inspiring others to do the same. I have no idea exactly what extraordinary will end up looking like for me, but I know I’m not going to let me stand in my own way.