In the retreat world I tell people there are three pillars of a retreat, the program, the location and the food. Any can help prop up the other two but if one fails, the whole thing can come crashing down. Two days before our group was set to touch down in Sedona, one pillar fell. The owner of the property we had booked called me to say she had made a mistake and double booked our dates. Since the other party had booked first, she decided to cancel on us with 14 people set to descend on the location in less than 48 hours. As a retreat leader, this is the stuff nightmares are made of. 

I was at the gym and stopped what I was doing as my heart rate skyrocketed higher than it had during any point of my workout. I immediately began researching and calling other venues running through all of the scenarios of what needed to be done. With retreats you have people staying in different rooms, private or shared, and a checklist of planned amenities like pool, hot tub, sauna, treatment rooms etc. You also need to factor in travel times from the airport and to all activities, everything that was planned was now out the window and I had to find a way to make it right by the people paying to come on this experience. 

I managed to secure a venue that would suffice but we lost a pool, indoor yoga studio, dedicated treatments rooms and a four acre property for guests to roam. It was a downgrade but it had some upside and at least we were back on track, or so I thought.  The property was nice but lacked the spaciousness you want in a retreat. It was on a street with houses on both sides, right off the main strip from downtown Sedona. We now had to manage moving breathwork, yoga and meditation outside because it was next to the kitchen and would be too noisy. Fun fact, Sedona in fact does have bugs, lots of bugs. 

Then there was our chef. I had connected with her through a mutual friend who I trusted and she seemed like a perfect fit on our calls leading up to the retreat. She had great ideas, was fairly priced and even offered to do a sound healing for our group. Once the retreat began however, that all fell apart. She struggled to arrive on time, forgetting major components of meals like eggs for breakfast and enough pasta for a pasta dinner. She made excuses like traffic (she was ten minutes away and Sedona was literally empty) and that she was in the process of moving. Almost every meal was late, one as late as 45 minutes. The only thing that was in steady supply was excuses.

I could feel the wheels slowly starting to come off as a few people skipped some activities. We already had a guest who was disrupting the group, threatening self-harm, disappearing throughout the day and coming in at all hours of the night. Asking (demanding) rides into town and somehow she ended up with a tattoo. That was a first. 

Skipping group activities isn’t in and of itself an issue although it’s quite uncommon. It’s also the place I get a chance to really provide value for folks and where the transformation we want to achieve tends to unfold. It’s really the heart and soul of all of our retreats.

Two women checked out of group activities and meals altogether and began to break off from what we were doing. They also began to complain. A lot. They complained about meals and snacks, the quality of the coffee, Sedona being too hot (?) and massage appointments being changed. The latter was true, yet these massages were gifted to them from me as an apology for having to change venues. It was a real feeling of damned if I do, damned if I don’t. I bought dinner out for everyone on our last night as a thank you which turned into our most fun night of the retreat, they declined to come.

After the retreat they immediately jumped online and left us scathing reviews on google. One lady also wrote me possibly the meanest email I’ve ever received. She suggested that maybe my heart wasn't in this work, I wasn’t equipped for it and that I’m only out for people’s money. She called me immature, said that I lacked integrity and humility and said our team wasn’t strong enough. This really stung as this same lady had been to both San Diego and Bali on retreats and had amazing “life-changing” experiences at both. Despite knowing all the challenges we faced, the only account that now lives on the interwebs for others to see is how this experience to which she showed up for less than half of, failed to meet the mark. 

We did receive wonderful feedback from over half the group and one gentleman who was a travel guide praised us for navigating the challenges so well. While it didn’t feel like our finest offering, I was quite proud given what was faced that we came out the other side with such high praise. We did some amazing activities like going to a wolf sanctuary and meeting an amazing couple who saves and rehabilitates wolves from around the world. We stargazed with a NASA engineer using high power telescopes under the desert sky to see the rings of Saturn. We went on a fun hike where we saw ancient petroglyphs and swam in the most idyllic stream. Of course we had our morning breathwork, yoga and cold plunges as well. 

In seven years of running retreats I’ve only gotten one review less than four stars and over 100 are five starts. From this retreat, that number jumped to four. I try my absolute best to provide experiences for people that are life-changing. I take it very seriously that folks give their time, money and energy to us hoping to find peace, joy and a supportive community. It’s actually the first thing I say when the retreat begins. I often remark how blessed I feel that I get to do this for a living and how in a decade of leading these types of experiences I can count on one hand the folks who ended up not being a great fit for what we do. 

There was one incredible silver lining from what felt like nothing but a gut shot. After the retreat I was on the phone with my parents, replaying back what had happened and questioning if I could have done anything better. Of course, I think there are always ways to improve and while some of this may read as a pity party, my wheels are already spinning as to ways to elevate what we do. As an entrepreneur, this is a necessary practice. 

The next day my dad wrote me a text, 

“Every CEO is compelled to evaluate new products and markets. Taking risks when called for.

That is what you do and don't stop doing it. Never listen to bullshit criticism when things go awry.

Be proud of what you have built and the tremendous satisfaction the overwhelming majority of your clients have experienced.

Move on, back to core program and NEVER afraid to try something new.

Very proud.  Dad”

This text brought tears to my eyes and did again just now as I copied it into this blog. In 38 years I have never had my dad say he was proud of me. Not because he’s not, it’s just not his nature, it’s not something you did in my family. Yet I’ve known for a long time that I’ve wanted, maybe needed, this level of validation from the man you’re biologically predisposed to seek it from. 

This retreat challenged the F out of me, ten days later I still haven’t received the refund from the original venue who is also making excuses, yet, this one text perhaps made it all worth it. 

My takeaways from all of this were that you can try your best and things may not always work out the way you want in the moment, but they’re always working out the way they need to for you to grow if you’re willing to accept that. I’m not mad at the folks who shared negative feedback, I understand they’re simply sharing what’s true from them and where they are at in their journey. I’ve found it fruitless over time to say that I wish things had gone differently, I know too much about trusting in the divine unfolding of things and the fact that the universe is always coming back into balance. There’s something profoundly beautiful and necessary in challenge, it’s why I jump in freezing cold water to start my day.

It’s HARD being a business owner. The highs can be quite high, however when someone doesn’t resonate with what you do or flat out doesn’t like it, it can feel very personal. All the things I share on retreats are the same toolbox I use to navigate these emotions, it’s actually quite a beautiful circle. 

If you made it this far I hope this blog inspires you to take risks and to trust the process. I hope you know as you put yourself out there more and more, you’ll find folks who don’t see you, get you or even like you and that’s OK. I’ve found if your vision is clear and your intentions are aligned with what’s true in the deepest and most authentic parts of who you are, you’ll always end up where you need to be.