Rediscovering Purpose: Navigating the Ups and Downs of the Wellness Journey

One of the things that has been coming up for me a lot in the last few months is the feeling that I've been "at it" for a long time. I left corporate life 10 years ago and became a yoga teacher. It was an incredible journey filled with purpose, fun, and the opportunity to help so many people. But despite the deep fulfillment, I never quite reached the level of financial stability I envisioned.

For years, I had the comfort of knowing that, no matter what, I wouldn’t be homeless. My parents had some financial resources, and that safety net allowed me to approach my career in wellness with a certain mindset—one where I didn’t always have to grind as hard as I could. Over the past few years, I poured myself into retreats, experiencing huge successes, not necessarily in monetary wealth, but in sustaining a life I loved. I’ve cashed out savings, received occasional support from my parents, and navigated financial ups and downs, especially during COVID. But I never quite felt like I had it all in place.

I’ve spent over $100,000 on marketing strategies, believing they would help me streamline my business and create a steady flow of clients. But time and time again, I found myself doing most of the work myself and not seeing the return I hoped for. The irony? I wasn’t fully following the principles I teach. I deeply believe in the laws of manifestation and attraction. I believe that when we master our minds, our external reality shifts to reflect that. And when I take a step back and look at my life, I see that I have been provided for. I’ve been able to live in one of the most expensive cities in the country—San Diego—without having to take a traditional 9-to-5 job. I’ve built a life where I get to teach yoga, run retreats, and guide breathwork sessions, all while living in a cozy home that truly feels like mine.

Yet somewhere along the way, I got complacent. I stopped fully expressing gratitude. I let my meditation practice slip. At my best, I would meditate morning, night, and sometimes even in the middle of the day if I needed to realign my energy. That consistent practice kept me grounded in the belief that I am abundant, that I can manifest the life I want. But I drifted.

And then I hit a point of burnout. I started to feel less grateful for the retreats, for the people, for the work itself. I wondered if there was a different path. My parents, well-intentioned as ever, floated the idea of becoming a nurse. At first, I was excited—I could help people, and the job market looked promising. I even started filling out applications for colleges. But as I sat with it, reality sank in. The requirements, the structure, and even things like mandatory COVID vaccines felt completely out of alignment with the life I had spent a decade building. I couldn’t believe how close I came to abandoning my path simply because money wasn’t where I wanted it to be.

The truth is, I hadn’t been fully in alignment with my goals. I wasn’t showing up daily as the person I needed to be to create the success I wanted. And yet, deep down, I know coaching is my next step. It’s something I’m deeply passionate about and something I know I would be great at. But I kept holding myself back, questioning whether I could really do it.

Why was I so quick to dismiss my own value? I’ve spent years accumulating knowledge, reading books, attending retreats, listening to podcasts, and experiencing transformation firsthand. That has immense value. And yet, the external world often feeds us a different narrative—one where security comes from a traditional job, from predictable paychecks. But I’ve been down that road before. I was a journalist, and despite the "security," I was unhappy, undervalued, and broke.

I think about Jim Carrey’s story—how his dad, a naturally funny man, chose the "safe" path of being an accountant, only to lose his job and struggle financially anyway. If failure or struggle is a possibility no matter what, wouldn’t it be better to struggle doing something I love?

So here I am, recommitting to my path. I still love facilitating breathwork, yoga, and retreats. And if I’m going to struggle, I’d rather do it in service of something that lights me up. But I also believe that if I truly trust myself, if I reaffirm my vision daily and take action in alignment with it, the right opportunities will come. I’ve seen it happen before. Faith has taken me to California, to Bali six times, to places I never imagined I would go.

Right now, my finances are tight. I’ve taken on a roommate. I’ve looked into driving Uber. I’ve faced failed marketing attempts and financial missteps. But I also recognize this as a "burn the boats" moment. I’m at a crossroads where I either step fully into my purpose or walk away. And walking away isn’t an option.

I know I have a track record of changing lives. I know there is a way to both serve others and create financial stability. My needs are simple—hockey, pickleball, community, a good cup of coffee with a friend. But this life I’ve built, this purpose I’ve pursued, it deserves my full effort.

So I’m digging in. I’m watching my inner dialogue. I’m launching a breathwork training I’m truly excited about. I’m stepping into coaching in a real way. And I’m trusting that when I show up fully, when I align my actions with my beliefs, things will shift. They always do.

If you’re reading this and you feel stuck, I invite you to reflect: When did life feel like it was flowing? What were you doing differently? What were you focusing on? Who were you surrounding yourself with? What content were you consuming? Because when we realign with what works, when we shift our energy and our focus, our reality follows.

This post is vulnerable, but it’s real. I almost hit the eject button. But instead, I’m stepping up. I have a Bali retreat coming up with an amazing group of people. I have upcoming retreats that need filling. I have work to do. And I’m ready to do it.

So if you’ve been in a similar place, know that you’re not alone. And if I can support you on your journey, I’d love to. Let’s rise together.

P.S. If this resonated with you, or if you’re feeling called to join one of my upcoming retreats or coaching programs, reach out. Let’s make magic happen.