THE #1 THING MOST PEOPLE DO THAT IS KILLING OUR HAPPINESS
When asking people about cell phone use, some surveys now only contain two options. Do you look at your cell phone before you go to the bathroom or WHILE you go the bathroom? Americans now spend a staggering amount of time on their phones, an estimated seven hours or more a day. The average American checks their phone 96 times per day, or once every ten to 12 minutes. Though, we actually touch our phones up to 2,617 times per day and unlock our phones 150 times on average. That's a lot. So what exactly are we doing to ourselves when we use our phones that much? The answer, also a lot.
Recently I decided to take a week off from my phone and let me tell you, it was NOT easy. As if orchestrated by the tech gods (demons?) on day two my computer stopped working and I was left to wonder, is this my wifi connection? How could I find out. I know, I can use my phone to check the intern… wait. No. Can’t use the phone. But what if the internet isn’t down and it’s my computer. How will I know? I could go to a coffee shop. Which one? I know I’ll check my pho…
This went on for a good hour before I decided to check out on all things digital for the day and take the opportunity to head to the beach for sunset.
The next day, the wifi was back, the world hadn’t burned down, and I felt this weird sense of accomplishment.
No, not using my phone is not some herculean achievement, or maybe it is? If you’ve watched the Social Dilemma on Netflix, you know how truly powerful and addicting our phones and social media are.
By the end of my week off from the phone I actually felt like I DIDN’T want to use it. Like I had broken free from a narcotic that I didn’t want to relapse from. I felt lighter, like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. I felt more present, more calm and somehow more productive. I started to really notice people using their phones in public. Like everywhere, all the time.
I watched people zoning out at the gym, sitting on equipment for minutes on end lost in their phone. I watched people literally bump into things or each other in public never pulling their eyes off the screen. I started counting how many people at traffic lights were face down. Spoiler alert, it was almost everyone.
Technology is meant to make our lives more utopic, easier and theoretically more joyful. I spoke to a friend recently who said teenagers in her area were forgoing their drivers licenses because they already could talk to their friends whenever they wanted. The longest study ever done on happiness by Harvard University said the #1 contributing factor to happiness was community. It didn’t mention Instagram or TikTok.
I share this as an invitation to take time at the beginning and ending of your day to be with yourself, your thoughts and your spiritual practices. It was helpful for me to set up a “charging station” in my kitchen where my devices go until I have an actual reason to use them. I started writing down my workouts and shopping lists in notebooks and challenging myself to get to places I had been before without gps.
For some scientific context, our brains are extremely susceptible to information when we first wake up and right before we go to bed. The process of waking up involves multiple different brain waves, and they all serve an important function for your overall well-being. When you first wake up, your brain transitions from delta waves—which are resting and regenerative—to theta waves that are important for making memories, learning, and processing information. This is the perfect time to practice meditation and breathwork, to set a baseline for yourself and how you want to feel throughout the day.
However if you check your phone immediately when you wake up in the morning, you’re forcing your brain to skip from delta waves to beta waves. This means your brain misses out on those vitally important alpha and theta brain waves, which can set you up for a slew of negative side effects throughout your day. You can also set yourself up to feel overwhelmed by the day's tasks or news if you’re getting push notifications. This accompanied with a hit of dopamine can leave us feeling like we are constantly “chasing” the day. On the flip side, if we use our phones right before bed our brain is in an extremely impressionable state that we can then take into our subconscious mind. This can begin a vicious cycle that sets us up for failure the following day and so on.
As with anything, I always advise people to do what works for them. Maybe meditation or breathwork isn’t your jam but journaling, walking or exercise is. Just 20 minutes of beginning your day with something to set yourself up with feel good chemicals can have HUGE benefits for our entire day.
Need some help developing a meditation practice? Keep it simple! Simply get out of bed and find a quiet place to sit down where you can limit distractions as much as possible. You don’t need to be on the floor with crossed legs, a chair is totally fine.
Relax your body as much as you can, close your eyes, and count each inhale and exhale until you reach the number 20. So inhale “1” exhale “2” and so on. Try to do this 2-3 times to start. When you get a bit better at it, see if you can get up to 50 or even 100 without losing your focus. If you do, don’t get mad, just go back to 1 and begin again. Look at it as a fun game to see how attentive you can be while doing your best to stay relaxed! If you’re new or new-ish to meditation this will be a challenge. The first time I say to meditate I tried for 15 minutes and lasted 7. Don’t focus on the outcome, focus on making the time to be with yourself, look at it like a date with yourself. Show up enthusiastic and ready to set yourself up to have the best day of your life. At the end of your day, use your meditation to scan through your day. Celebrate what went well and see what you want to shift. When you don’t want to take time to be with yourself, that’s when it matters the most.
I truly hope this helps. As always, my door is always open, please let me know if I can support you in any way.
-John