WHEN YOU GET EXACTLY WHAT YOU ASKED FOR

I wrote recently about how The Only One Thing I recommend People Do Every Day is to cultivate the relationship with themselves and set an intention of how they want to feel. This is a daily practice for me and I also spend a lot of time thinking about how I want to make others feel because #quantumphysics #lawofattraction 

Part of what I love about SoCal Wellness Retreats is that it feels like summer camp for adults. There is excitement, nervousness, anticipation and when it’s all said and done, no one wants to leave. I want it to feel like family, inviting and warm while also challenging and influential. I think about this literally every day.

So a few years ago when a retreat ended and I got a call from one of our guests a few days later saying he was following my path by quitting his successful career in finance in New York City to move to San Diego, I was equal parts proud and terrified. 

“Do you have a job lined up?”

“Nope.”

“Do you know anyone here?” 

“Not really.”

“Do you have a place to live?”

“Nope.”

“Are you SURE you want to do this?”

“Absolutely.”

A few weeks went by before I got the message. He was getting close to California and hadn’t yet secured housing. I had already given my “best” help I could. I shared recommendations of where to look for places to rent and had asked around in my friend group for leads.

My roommate had moved out a few weeks before and I was LOVING the freedom of an empty house, my new office and no dishes in the sink. I kept walking by the empty room in my house knowing what came next. A week later my solo stint had ended and I was clearing cabinet, fridge and garage space for my new living mate. 

On four days of a retreat people become so close, so bonded, they will often say they feel closer to the group than people they have known for years or even their own families. But do you want to live with them? That’s a whole other story. 

But I had asked for this. I wanted to inspire others. I wanted to create a community that felt like family. I wanted to be of service in the best ways I could. It’s my daily meditation and prayer.

We ended up having a great six months together. Like any relationship, there were good parts and, well, less than good parts. I traveled twice without having to find a dog sitter. I also became a housekeeper for a twenty-something. We had motivating and inspiring conversations about workouts, meditation and entrepreneurship. He also turned the kitchen into an office so my normal quiet morning routine became backdropped by zoom calls. 

Recently I made a pretty big shift in how I approach my own morning meditation practice. I have pushed myself to pretty deep extremes with meditation, mindfulness and routine. For a spell I even woke up at four in the morning and practice four hours of meditation. All that did was make me a frustrated, sleep-deprived mess. Sort of the opposite of the goal of meditation. 

I am never let down by how good it feels to help others, it’s something we are born with. Cognitively, I would tell myself the goal of SoCal Wellness Retreats was to help humanity and change the world. That is true, to a point. What I realized is that while that’s a big part of it, my real goal was to make a living and to “fix” all of my past rejections and failures. I was seeking money and validation, and then I wanted to help people. Not the other way around. 

On a recent retreat I was searching for volunteers when my assistant backed out at the last minute. A lady stepped forward and shared she had been having a tough time and could really use a space to do some healing and would be happy to help out. At that point I had just secured another assistant but I still had a bed left empty. I once again was given an opportunity to live up to my mission statement without any clear or immediate gain. 

How far are we willing to go to create the life we want and be the change we want to see? What happens when we are given an opportunity to step forward into exactly what we have asked for? 

The mistake so many of us make in creating our life is we focus solely on the things we want and the steps it will take to get there. It drives many people to even lie, cheat and steal their way there. The reason why people have a mid-life crisis is they wake up one day to a life that feels like it was made for someone else and it was, typically it was that person’s goals 10, 20, 30 or even 40 years ago and they realized all that they sacrificed along the way.

Our mindfulness practices give us a true north to how we feel, how we want to feel and allow us to course correct along the way. It helps us tap into the interconnected nature of all things, the beautiful flow and unfolding of life. The things and people that then arrive on our path are there for a reason, there are no mistakes. We are literally creating this for ourselves whether we like it or not. You’ll always be getting exactly what you asked for. 

It takes courage to follow your heart. It takes practice and patience to allow it to speak.